Two days ago I turned forty-six years old, and it made my day when I woke up to a wonderful message:
"Happy birthday to one of the best people I have had the pleasure of knowing in this lifetime! Myself and all others who know you are blessed to have the honor. Side note… your program is only getting better for me personally. Today I have already finished my goals for the day, and guess what? Highest week yet?!? I'm rolling into week 8 tomorrow bright and early at 6:30 when I get up and start my day! I'm so excited to have finally completed a “program” from start to finish. Even when it got tough. I am pretty sure I’m prouder of myself than I’ve ever been in this moment. I mean, in the last two months I’ve done SO much out of the norm - a lot of little things but that’s what adds up to big things. For the first time in over a decade I’m so excited about my future. I really just can’t explain the feeling in words. I’m not a cryer… but today I’m holding back the tears. I’m certain next Sunday I’ll be in tears all day… but enough of that, go enjoy your day!"
It was only a couple weeks earlier this same person had just completed the fifth week of her Foundations Behavior Change Program, was feeling terrible, and hadn't logged any of her daily activities for that week. She found herself staring at a blank page every time she tried to complete her four-week evaluation, and hadn't written anything since.
If there was a moment in her program that she was tempted to throw in the towel and abandon her plan, this was it. We decided to work through it together to help her get over the hurdle.
I knew that something significant had thrown off her routine in her fifth week, but before we delved any deeper into that, we took a few minutes to get caught up. Those weeks were over and done with, and I knew it would make her feel a little better to acknowledge them and put them behind her. We started with the four-week evaluation. We didn't linger too long on it, but it was important to acknowledge all the progress that she had made - even if it didn't feel like it at the moment. We talked about the biggest challenges she had come up against, the accomplishments that she had made, and the things she wanted to improve upon during the next four weeks.
Then we got to Week 5. She looked at the blank page in front of her and started to share some of the things that had happened that week. She had a disagreement with someone that was close to her, which included a few members of what she considered to be her support network. The interaction had left her feeling disappointed, frustrated, and questioning herself. Her self-confidence and motivation were shaken.
While we were talking she logged the activities she had completed, as well as the ones she hadn't. Shitty weeks are going to happen from time to time, that is life. However, in those difficult moments, the key is to acknowledge it, put it behind you, and focus your energy on moving forward. That was exactly what she did, and after she had logged her week she realized that it hadn't been as terrible as she thought it was.
That brought us up-to-date. There were still three weeks left in her program and she was determined to make a few changes and get back on track. She had been feeling hurt, angry, and sad. She is one of the most generous people that I have met, and she was beginning to realize that she didn't always get the same in return. She had been giving to others without restraint, and it had left her feeling empty.
This was the moment that she decided to choose herself. This didn't mean bulldozing everyone in her way, but it did mean that she recognized her own needs, and acknowledged that she was worthy of asking for her needs to be met. For the next week she focused her goals on activities that made her feel fulfilled. She put her time and energy into actions and relationships that made her feel good, and she set everything else down for a week.
I left her with something to try throughout the upcoming week: Try to match others' energy. Take a step back, and try not to force anything or get angry if someone doesn't do or say what you want. Instead, let go of the control, and let others take the lead for a change. Practice listening, be aware of and honor your feelings, take control of your reactions, and put back in only what you are getting in each relationship. Let go for a week and just see what happens.
When we choose ourselves first, we love and respect ourselves enough to recognize our value and worth. This self-love sets the tone for how we expect to be treated by others, and we begin to find a healthy balance between what we want for ourselves and what others may want from us.
This was exactly what she needed. This was the turning point in her program. After Week 5, I watched her numbers climb higher and higher. She was feeling amazing and really beginning to make some progress. Once that rough week was behind her, there was a significant change - imagine if she had decided in that moment to throw in the towel instead?
When I received that message from her yesterday morning I was so happy to hear how amazing she was feeling. I was reminded of the first time that I had actually completed a full eight-week program, and I knew exactly how proud of herself she was for finding away around the challenge and not giving up.
It also made me think about how important it is to choose yourself, and I had to admit that life had been so been so busy lately that I hadn't been doing the best job of that. I had so many wonderful people in my life that had reached out to wish me a happy birthday. I had a dinner invitation from my mother, a drink invitation from my sister-in-law and another from my friend, and a movie invitation from my son. These are all very important people in my life and I love spending time with them, but I realized that the only thing I really wanted was spend a day at home. So for my birthday I decided to choose myself. I thanked each of them for the offer and let them know how much it meant to me, but that I wanted to spend my day at home. I took a three mile walk, learned a new song on my guitar, did yard work, grocery shopped, prepared a healthy dinner for my son and I, and food prepped for the week. I went to bed feeling rested, full of energy, and ready to take on the week ahead of me.
It is not only okay, but necessary to sometimes say no thank you, and choose yourself first. Life gets busy and overwhelming at times, and when those moments come I take a step back, ground myself, and focus on the things that I know will replenish me. When you feel empty, take a moment to fill yourself up - whatever that means to you. When you are confident and fulfilled then you are more equipped to handle anything that life throws at you.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes! I am grateful for so many wonderful people and relationships in my life, along with every obstacle that has been placed in my path over the last forty-five years. The most challenging times have provided me with the most opportunity for growth, and without them I would not be the woman I am today.
Today, and every day, I choose me. I hope you do the same.
Carrie Woodcock
Owner Total Transformation
ACE Health Coach and Behavior Change Specialist
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