Fall. There is nothing better than the faint smell of the leaves as they begin to fall to the ground. The warm days that begin to turn into cool nights - the best weather for bonfires. Autumn is my favorite time of year, and probably one of the things that has kept me living in Northern New York all these years.
I woke up early today with lots of tasks on my to-do list to accomplish. I have been spending much of my free time preparing for the annual NYAPRS (New York Association of Psychosocial Rehabilitation Services) conference, where I will have the opportunity to present Foundations to my colleagues. I've been spending time in my studio recording my audiobook and publishing the Foundations Habit Journal. There are two reasons my goal is to have both of them completed before attending the conference at the end of the month. First, it is a no-brainer that they should be available when I go to speak about them, but also because I think it is a good time to do a final review of my work before I do a presentation.
When I was wrapping up the Foundations manuscript, there were a few parts that I added at the last minute. This morning as I worked on the audiobook, I read through one of these sections. I had written it one morning only days before publication, on a day when I had made a significant realization about my own life, and this morning it brought me to tears when I re-read it.
Excerpt from FOUNDATIONS: An eight-week behavior change program designed to help you create a balanced, stable, and fulfilled life
Chapter 7 Reflection: Knowing Your Own Self-Worth
When I was sixteen years old I worked as a chambermaid in a local tourist town. (By far my least favorite job that I have ever held in my lifetime). I have a vivid memory standing outside the motel one summer morning and watching a group of beautiful twenty-something women pull up in their flashy car. They wore stylish dresses and high-heels, and were clearly looking forward to beginning their vacation. I remember thinking, “That will never be me. I am always going to be the one that is just there to clean their room.”
I’m not sure exactly what experiences caused me to feel that way at the young age of sixteen, all I know is that it was a thought that came from a deeply embedded core belief about my own self-worth. For a large part of my adult life my behavior was a direct reflection of this belief. Looking back I can see it reflected in my relationships, career, financial wellness - truly every facet of my life.
As I have developed and worked through Foundations over the last ten years, this core belief that had been so firmly rooted in who I believed I was as person finally began to shift, and I began to believe that I was deserving of more. Today it is that core belief that has spread to all areas of my life.
The last and most difficult piece of the puzzle to fall into place was my financial wellness. When I was growing up we never had a lot of money, but we always had everything we needed. My parents struggled to provide for us more than I realized, and somewhere along the way I adopted at a young age a belief about my own earning potential. Then to add onto that belief, money was something that played a significant role in my divorce. It was something that was used as leverage, and a means of displaying power and control over me. But I had something to prove, and I rebelled against that power. Money would not control me, and I would prove that happiness could not be bought.
We are a culmination of so many things in our lives - experiences, relationships, environment - and somehow the combination of the experiences I had throughout my life always landed me with financial instability. It wasn’t until much more recently that I began to truly understand and believe in my own self-worth, and as a result of the actions that I have taken my financial wellness has finally come into balance. I finally was able to say, “I am worth it.”
To live a balanced, stable, and fulfilled life means something different to everyone, and is a complicated combination of many aspects of life. There are no right or wrong answers, but instead you have to find the balance that is right for you.
FOUNDATIONS: An eight-week behavior change program designed to help you create a balanced, stable, and fulfilled life; pages 84-85.
Knowing my own self-worth - that is the biggest thing that Foundations has done for me over the years. I barely remember writing that, but the way those words resonated with me and the emotions that re-reading them evoked was powerful this morning. I decided it was a good time to break and get outside for some exercise.
Often when I go out for my walk I grab my AirPods and listen to an audiobook, music, or podcast. However, as I was getting ready to head out none of those things sounded very appealing. I was having too many thoughts and ideas of my own to get caught up in someone else's story. I decided to leave them at home today and be present with the thoughts and feelings that I was having. If I had a pocket, I probably would have thrown the AirPods in it just in case I got bored of myself and changed my mind. I knew I was going to be out there for awhile because I wanted to make it all the way to Black Lake this morning. I wasn't really sure if I'd be tired of my own thoughts after six miles had passed. But, I left them at home and set out with only my own thoughts to keep me entertained.
I brought my phone with me because I decided that I didn't want to lose any of the thoughts that were flying through my mind, but I also wanted to get out and get my exercise done. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to enjoy the sunshine and not be cooped up in my office all day. I decided to try something for the first time - I used my voice recorder and worked out all the brainstorms that had been circling around in my mind this morning. I recorded outlines for a few blog posts, my introduction for my upcoming presentation, and even the story that has been forming in my head that I am hoping to tell this winter when I participate in the final round of the Howl Story Slam.
I was still recording when I made it to my favorite spot on Black Lake. I snapped a quick picture, and noticed a chair indicating that I am not the only one that likes to watch the sunrise from this spot. There have been many mornings over the last ten years when I sat in this spot watching the sun crest the horizon.
Six miles flew by, and it wasn't until the last mile when my thoughts finally slowed down that I stopped recording.
I noticed the leaves beginning to change, and despite the 78°F humidity, I still felt fall in the air. As I said, it is my favorite season, and this year I decided that I don't want to miss a single day of it.
This year my son has just returned for his second year of college, and it is much easier on me than his first. I have made a lot of progress in the last year as I've worked to shift my focus back to myself. Motherhood is no longer the center of my day-to-day life, as it has been for the last eighteen years, and that transition has been a roller-coaster. However, the day after my son left for college this year I found myself really excited to get back on track.
Sometimes the busyness of the summer schedule is fun, but when fall arrives I always look forward to settling back into my daily routine. I feel more motivated than ever and as the kids return to school, and my schedule begins to slow down, I find myself ready to re-focus.
It was the perfect time to begin another eight-week program of my own. Not only will working through Foundations be the best final edit that I could do in preparation for my upcoming conference, but I also am ready to accomplish some big goals - and I know Foundations will get me there.
I will be offering the Fall Foundations Eight-Week Focus Group beginning in a couple of weeks. There will be another one offered this winter, but if you are feeling like I am, and you are ready to get back into your routine this fall, then send me a message to learn more about how to join me.
Have a great week!
Carrie Woodcock
Owner Total Transformation
ACE Health Coach and Behavior Change Specialist
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